Allah asks...

Exactly what kind of democracy are you creating in Iraq, George?

Today's Top Story...

We're FUCKED.

You know Prince loves it...

So let's have some controversy.

This is a discussion that came up today and I found myself with a strange stance on. Since Canada is affected by almost everything America does, yet has no voice in American politics, should Canada just give it up and join the US? Keep in mind, if we did this you could pretty much bet on a Democrat president in 2008. (Mark Warner for prez! He's a sexy Dem bitch!)
On the downside, we'd be Americans. Icky I know, but at least we wouldn't be the pissy nextdoor neighbour who sits around moralizing but doesn't have the power to do anything about anything.

What's everyone's thoughts on this? Please try to keep the patriotism-drenched freak outs to a min. Thanks.

Two rather geeky questions...

1. What 3 fictional places would you like to visit for a day?
2. Same question, but only for an hour?

Here are mine:
1. Coruscant, Gotham City, and Heaven

2. A Borg cube (assimilation included), Derry-Maine and Sunnydale

Lucky May 8th

For reasons only one known to one other person, May 8th has been my favourite day of the year since I was 13. It's almost always a great day for me, and even if nothing exciting happens it's always pleasant and fun with no major piss offs.
I'm very happy to be able to document another year of upholding this fine tradition. Today was the first day of the class I've always wanted to take. I met a bunch of new people who were all either agreeable or downright cool. And I had a suprisingly easy, relaxed, and fun coffee date.
This was a good day. This blog is probably known more (by you faithful few, thank you for knowing it at all) for entries outlining the absolute shitstorm days I've had over the past year and a half. So this entry is dedicated entirely to May 8th, a fine upstanding day.

Attila

You are where?

What city, whether you've been there or not, do you think would suit your personality best?

Mine would be Paris. As unoriginal as that is, I can't imagine me not loving it. Here are some suggestions that Bri and I came up with:

Chris: London
Joey: Los Angeles
Mike St. P: Berlin
Craig: Somewhere in South America that's gayer than the day is long. Gayer than San Francisco (Which was our first choice but we weren't sure if S.F. was gay enough for Craig. Sorry Craig.)

Please leave your answer in the comments. Also, if anyone knows, when exactly did Tom Hanks jump the shark? We know it's happened, we just can't pin down when.

Thanks.

What did you think about on the way to work?

Today I fantasized about really angry sex with someone I hate. Thought about it the whole walk.

Please leave your own in the comments. Thanks,
~Attila

Reasons why I want to learn to speak Chiac:

• Ej vas driver mon truck à soir pis ça va êt'e right la fun. (I'm going to drive my truck tonight and it's going to be lots of fun.)
• J'vas parker mon châr. (I'm going to park my car.)
• J'schwimmais dans l'ocean et j'tais right soak-an-wet. (I swam in the ocean and got soaking wet.)
• Worry pas. (Don't worry)

The last one's obviously the best, I can see it being said a lot around this house in the future.

Adding this to my resumé...

My favourite pastimes include: Travelling to ancient power centres, dispensing advice, putting around the garden, conceptualizing Utopian visions of the future, attending sporting/cultural events, demonstrating acts of orderly civil disobedience, monitoring radio telescopes, dabbling in show-biz, as well as further detailed studies of human behaviour.

#1 Top Ten List

My top ten TV shows:

1. Six Feet Under
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
3. Deep Space Nine
4. Kids in the Hall
5. Little Britain
6. The Simpsons
7. Degrassi TNG
8. Weeds
9. X-Files
10. Fawlty Towers

Two Honourable Mentions:

1. The only reason the Golden Girls aren't on my list is that I completely forgot about them until after I'd reached number 11.

2. Fawlty Towers, you're only on the bottom because you produced so few shows. You still get my top comedy spot ever time.

Feel free to leave your own lists in the comments.
-Attila

Oh lord...

This defies description.

Not the Happiest Meal

But probably the one I'd be most choosey about. Since Captain Planet used my original question on her blog, here's a similar, yet still greatly important question:
-What would you want for your last meal, including a drink, appetizer, main course, dessert, and method of execution?
Here's mine:

Drink - Grape Tang
Appetizer - Fried Brother's pepperoni and cheddar with honey mustard. (gonna die anyway)
Main Course - Neatloaf and mashed potatos with mushroom gravey.
Dessert - Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream.
Method of Execution - Ejected into space in a leaky space suit.

Devastation...

Frank McKenna why?!?
Where's the angry New Brunswick prime minister of my dreams?
Seriously Frank, I'm not even a Liberal supporter, but you're still my number one choice for PM, hands down.
And you're not running for personal reasons?
PERSONAL REASONS?
Goddamnit Frank! Your country needs you and what are you doing? Settling down for a comfy retirement??
This will not do. It will not do AT ALL.

Stop worrying, you'll give the country wrinkles.

Let's start with a basic refresher of the facts:
1. I called the election results 2 months ago and, if I may say so, was pretty much bang on.
2. I don't like Harper, or the Conservative party. In fact, I violently oppose 95% of what they stand for.
3. No party should govern forever, and the Liberal defeat might be for the best.
Now I realize number 3 might sound like an endorsement for Harper's win, but it isn't. See number 2 if you need any reassurance.
I didn't want the Conservatives to win, but I didn't want the Liberals to win either. And yes I know, the NDP was not going to suddenly pick up an extra 100 or so seats. Out of the options we were given though, I think we made out okay. Yes, a right-wing douchebag is our new Prime Minister. But would you rather have Paul Martin leading us into another fragile minority Liberal government with ever declining popularity?
Most of you would I'm sure, but think about this for a minute. If we'd elected Paul Martin, he'd have continued his miserable job of leading a miserable party desperately in need of a vacation. That's what Harper's win is as far as I'm concerned; a Liberal vacation.
The party was stressed out, not thinking clearly, obviously tired, and in need of some serious downtime. If Paul Martin had won I guarantee you we'd have had another election in a year or less, and Harper would have won either a strong minority or even a small majority. Then where would we be?
Nebraska.
Cold, boring, underpopulated, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-pot, anti-pretty-much-anything-that's-even-remotely-enjoyable.
Or maybe Iowa. Same thing either way.
Now, we've got a Harper minority that is as close to powerless as a Canadian government can get. Sure, he's got some significant powers as PM, but it's not as if he can actually, oh I don't know, pass a single bloody law without giving blowjobs to at least two other party leaders (or one party leader and an independent, either way not a pretty picture).
In case anyone has forgotten the next chapter in my prediction, here it is: Harper won't accomplish anything beyond frustrating most Canadians with his futile attempts to drag us back to 1950. By the time people are sick enough of him for the rest of the House of Commons to feel justified in bringing him down, the Liberals will have elected a new leader. Maybe, if we all wish real hard and keep our fingers and toes crossed, he'll actually have a sense of where this country wants to go, and maybe even of how to get us there.
Next thing you know, we've got another Liberal majority. I'd love to claim huge gains for the NDP somewhere in here, but I don't think this term will be good for them. They've got more members sure, but almost no influence.
Fortunately, they do have Olivia Chow. This is the perfect fix-all for Jack Layton. Now that he's got his wife by his side, he no longer looks like a sexual predator. Sorry Jack, personally I think you're kinda cute sometimes, but you do have a certain 'registered offender' look to you.
The moral of all this is simple: stop worrying. Seriously. Everyone I've talked to since January 23rd has been panicking their silly ass off.
Stop worrying. It's all going to be fine. Harper won't last, he won't accomplish much, what he does accomplish will probably actually be needed (senate reform, cleaning up government if that's possible), he won't outlaw gay marriage (better not, I'll see you in the streets if he does. Seriously Harper, DO NOT FUCK WITH MY CIVIL RIGHTS), he won't restrict abortion (good luck, pissed off women are a much worse enemy than any Liberal leader), and he won't change the fundamental leftiness of Canadian society.
So seriously Canada, stop worrying.

John Howard is a Hypocrite

"Attacking people on the basis of their race, their appearance, their ethnicity, is totally unacceptable and should be repudiated by all Australians," Howard said.

Right, because attacking Arabic people is only okay when you're doing it to take their oil. Thanks for the moral lesson John.
~Attila

How and why?

Patient and steady with all he must bear,
Ready to meet every challenge with care,
Easy in manner, yet solid as steel,
Strong in his faith, refreshingly real.
Isn't afraid to propose what is bold,
Doesn't conform to the usual mould,
Eyes that have foresight, for hindsight won't do,
Never backs down when he sees what is true,
Tells it all straight, and means it all too.
Going forward and knowing he's right,
Even when doubted for why he would fight,
Over and over he makes his case clear,
Reaching to touch the ones who won't hear.
Growing in strength he won't be unnerved,
Ever assuring he'll stand by his word.
Wanting the world to join his firm stand,
Bracing for war, but praying for peace,
Using his power so evil will cease,
So much a leader and worthy of trust,
Here stands a man who will do what he must.

Who the FUCK thinks this sort of thing is anything but revolting?
Quick! Somebody compose a poem that spells out ILOVESTALIN.
Or better, one that spells ITSGOODTOBEAWARCRIMINAL.
Fuck you George Dubya. Fuck you in the ace.
~Attila

It's called CANADA. Look it up.

Seriously Harper, WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU RUNNING IN?
You're not in a race to become Prime Minister of Alabama.
~Attila

I take it back.

Stephen Harper, you are a tool. A big, goddamn tool.
Here I had gone and predicted a Conservative minority government and what do you go and do THE VERY FIRST DAY OF THE CAMPAIGN?
You bring up same-sex marriage. And you tell people you will make it illegal again. Without using the Notwithstanding Clause. Which is legally impossible.
And you do this while trying to win votes in Ontario! Where people are economically conservative maybe, but socially liberal! How many voters in suburban Toronto do you really think are up in arms over same-sex marriage? 6? Maybe 10? Seriously, if there are more than 15 I bet it's because you bussed them in there in advance.
And then, you announce that you're going to lower the GST. Which economists all across the country say is a bad idea. You remember economists don't you? They're the people who are RESOUNDINGLY conservative by nature AND are the go to guys on economic policy. Seems you didn't bother to go to, as I'm sure they would have suggested some ideas that are at least slightly feasible.
Finally, have you considered leaning a little less to the right on social policies? You know, now that former PC prime minister Kim Campbell has publically said that you'll never win because Canadians aren't socially conservative?
Seriously, why would we vote for you when people from your own side are telling us you won't (and shouldn't) win. People don't get much more conservative than Ralph Klein and even he's predicting another Liberal government! Has any of this prompted you to think oh, I don't know, maybe you're doing SOMETHING WRONG?!
Mr. Harper, I'm as sick of being governed by the Liberals as you are. Paul Martin makes me want to puke every time I look at him. But as long as the most visible alternative is a party full of jackass incompetants who want to strip Canadians of their rights (by which I mean mine, asshole) you might as well start preparing for Martin's coronation ceremony right now.
In the mean time, I'll be busy voting NDP, like the rest of the sensible people in this country. I suggest you occupy your time by spicing up your resumé. You don't seriously think that you'll still be party leader for much longer now, do you? You do?
Oh that's just cute. Good luck then, and happy failing.
~Attila

I spy with my little eye...

Around the edges of the Living Room:
Desk, Speakers, Dishrag, Bookshelf, Tupperware, Flame-Retardant Lab Coat, Canadian Defense Magazine, Birthday Cards, Mason Jar, Chair, Lab Manual, two issues of Exlaim! magazine, one wool sock, lamp, empty pint of Crown Royal, dish cloth, garbage, guitar, an amazon.ca box, empty perrier bottle, Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse 5, pair of fake bat wings, plaster casts of feet, the couch, milk crates, board games, a water jug, two 5lb weights (unused), dvds, Light Bright, bath towel, an iron, the other wool sock, "ye olde" ice-cream maker, screen divider, a blue lightbulb, a Louis Armstrong lamp, mostly deflated blue exercise ball, garbage, tv stand featuring: a broken shot glass, a straw chicken getting fucked by a Data action figure, a dirty wine glass, and back to the floor: a blue yoga mat, filing cabinet, light bright box with pegs, Casio keyboard, small table, empty aquarium, a calculator, Beachville Lakeside Timberlea Elementary School Cafeteria menu from 2002, a landscape painting by Bob Hunsley, dirty cloth napkin, a Clue boardgame, an empty cardboard envelope, milk crate, bookshelf, pile of textbooks and Crow Bar labels, set of wrist weights (unused), pair of knit slippers (unused until I was informed just now that they were mine, brand new. Very comfy.), a planter, a pencil, and one double A battery.
It's pretty clear that mom would be appalled.
~Attila

Psychic Sidekick

Here are my predictions for the upcoming election(s):
1. Conservatives win a minority government.
It's okay, it's only going to last a couple of months, then we'll have a new Liberal government, most likely with Frank McKenna at the head. Much like many Canadians with an ounce of common sense and sanity, I shudder at the thought of a Canada governed by Prime Minister Stephen Harper. *shudder* (see?) However, the thought of Paul Martin winning another election makes me almost as nauseated. Having the conservatives attempt to govern (again, six months at the maximum, more likely 90 days or less) will at least give the Liberals time to cut out all the dead wood (See Mr. Dithers, etc). If things happen this way, then we'll be free of Martin, and Harper after he manages to fuck things up so bad that his government lasts less time than Joe Who's. The Conservatives will dump him, Peter MacKay will get the leadership, and then no one east of Manitoba will ever vote Conservative again because they're a party of useless tools, and they'll be headed by a sooky idiot who can't seem to keep his word or his girlfriend.
2. NDP will pick up seats in urban areas and rural areas with unusually high levels of common sense.
Admittedly, this isn't so much a prediction as a hope. If this does happen, after Harper fucks it up as we all know he will because he's Stephen Harper and it is his cosmic destiny to fuck things up, the NDP will be in a strong position to hold the balance of power under a McKenna government. As a young, gay, pot smoking Nova Scotian university student (see left winger), anything that gives the NDP any kind of power is fine by me.
3. The Green Party will get almost no votes, and disband, and rot in hell.
Seriously, Green Peace has come out and said that the NDP's environmental platform is better than that of the Green Party. You know the Green Party, they're the ones that run solely on environmental issues. Just disband already, and give your votes to the NDP. You don't even have to wrap them. Jack Layton will take them even if you've bent, scuffed, or marked on them. Just go away, stop splitting the left vote, and most importantly GO AWAY.
~Attila

PS: Don't vote Green.