Am I the only person who finds the automatic grammar check included with most current word processing programs really offensive? Let’s just imagine for a moment what the world would be like if everyone obeyed the rules indicated by the little green underlining. I’d be bored as shit! Canadian literature would be non-existent without colloquialisms and randomly inserted vulgarity. And sentence fragments? Love them. Lost without them.
I am fully aware that I do not write, or talk for that matter, in perfect grammatical form. I happen to enjoy not obeying all of the rules. In fact, I enjoy it when other writers bend the rules from time to time. If we all obeyed the little green lines then every blog hosted on this site would read like an instruction manual for a microwave or universal remote.
Now I’m worried that this feature is having an adverse effect on the quality of written material available today. Nobody in their right mind writes with a typewriter or a pen anymore, not if they’re writing something of any length. Is it possible that the computer grammar police are leading to books and magazines written in bland, colourless style? Like that utter piece of shite, 2 ‘The magazine for couples’. Absolutely nauseating, although I doubt WordPerfect is to blame for that helpless mess.
In order to improve on the quality of today’s reading materials, I’m asking all my faithful readers (I’m looking at you three!) to do two things. First, turn off the little green lines. Your grammar is just fine. And if it isn’t? Fuck it. Who really cares about grammar anyway? I’ll take artistic expression any day, thank you very much.
Second, make sure that your word program is set to the proper language! In a disgusting display of American imperialism (sorry, had to throw in a little propaganda) most word processing programs are set to American English for the default language. This results in writing atrocities like the words color, splendor, center, ad nauseum. Not only do these words when properly spelled get a little red line, they actually get replaced automatically! Try all you want, you will never write about the colourful splendour of the shopping centre ever again! (Not that you should, down with materialism and all. Again, sorry.)
And finally a few helpful suggestions. omitting capital letters is not cute omitting punctuation is annoying AND CAPS LOCK IS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY. And pleaz, leav the spel cheker on. It’s their four a reson.
For homework, read my blog every day. Nine out of ten doctors agree that reading my blog prevents prostate cancer.*
~Attila
*Test subjects were women aged 12-14. Doctors may not be medical doctors.
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3 comments:
fuck the noise about not using capital letters. fuck it hard in the ass. fuck that shit about not using punctuation sometimes it adds to the tone of the piece it's not such a big deal sometimes it really adds adds adds fuck those rules they're like your green lines hail hail hail artistic expression it's not just because i'm lazy altho i am indeed often lazy.
Fine but if you start writing entirely in caps I'm going to cut off your hands. I know where you live afterall.
Yo Atilla!
Are you really a Hunsley? I just ask because we're pretty thin on the ground.
Alex Hunsley, Edinburgh UK
(btw my blog is at www.livejournal.com/~occular)
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