Masons Beach God Clouds

Masons Beach God Clouds

Anyone wondering why I'm usually so mellow, check this out. This is the view from the patio at the cottage where I grew up. How can you turn out anything but peaceful when you look at this every day?

Colourblind Much?

Colourblind Much?

Or not? These colours are set to stay at least until I get bored of them in 20 minutes. What do you think? Please leave me a comment about the colours, not about the timber industry or cheap viagra.
Thanks.

I want my titles back!

HATEFULNESS AND DEATH!
My wonderful new template didn't show my titles, so in a fit of rage I deleted it entirely.
See me, full of rage.
Full.
Of.
Rage.

Fucketyfucketyfuckfuckdeath.

It's amazing how fast you can type...

It's amazing how fast you can type after drinking a large cappuccino. This whole entry should take less than 20 seconds. Fuck me I think I'm having heart palpitations.
coronary crisis aside, I'm getting ever closer to going back to school. I'm more excited than terrified so far, which I think is a good sign. I've had a couple of good signs so far, in that I've been admitted to major in political science (so expect many more political rants on this blog, sorry Big J) and a did surprisingly well on my French placement test.
Now all I have to do is continue waiting semi-patiently to hear back from student loans. I'm trying to be optimistic but after applying late and waiting a month and a half, I'm starting to get concerned. I think there's a good chance that I'll get my loan, but I don't know how much faith I have in getting it before the September 14th deadline. Not only that, but I'd kind of like to have some money to buy textbooks before school actually starts.
But forget about that, as there's no point in worrying about things you can't change. This is probably going to be the most helpful thing in getting through the next few years of school. I think if more people would wake up and realize that worrying actually doesn't solve anything, and in fact tends to make situations worse, we'd all be a lot better off. Except for therapists of course, who would be out of business by noon the next day.
This is hardly the time to worry anyway, as I've finally been approved for some vacation time. This is not a much needed break. That would be an understatement. This is a 'give me time off before I rip out my own pancreas out of frustration and start force feeding it to random guests' type of vacation. Much much needed, to put it another, slighly more PC way.
In case anyone is wondering when I even learned what the words 'politically correct' meant, that would be right around the same time I learned that one of my managers reads my blog regularly.
That said, hi cutie! Thanks for reading.

Blatant Compliment Fishing

I'll come right out with it. What does everyone think of the new blog layout?
So far I like it but I'm afraid I went a bit overboard with all the blue. Originally it had a white background though and I just couldn't let that continue. Seriously, why would anyone read an entirely white blog? How bland. Hmm, just noticed how that last sentence sounds outrageously racist in the wrong context...

And now I'm being punished.

Holy hell.
So obviously I decided against following all the signs and high-tailing it for Nevada. And now, as a result, I'm fucking sick.
For the second Friday in a row. Correction, the second Friday on which I was supposed to go party downtown with the previously absent Christina-4-Ever (pron fo' evah).
This must be the last time I piss fate off. Hell next time I'll probably end up with ebola or syphilis.
The one great side effect of my illness appears to be a complete lack of guilt at not doing any work. (Hence blogging.) I have an entire inbox jam packed with stupid files crying out for my attention, but my cold seems to have come with a mild case of deafness.
So far my night has consisted of blowing my nose, sitting, blowing my nose, eating chocolate, blowing my nose, sitting, blogging, and blowing my nose. Not too bad overall, although I could really do without the resulting bright red mustache.

If I could do one thing today....

I'd take everything sellable from my apartment down to the pawn shop, pack three changes of clothes and whatever money I could get into my backpack, and start hitchhiking my way to Nevada. Job, apartment, school, bills, and all other trappings of daily life be damned.
Why Nevada? Because that's where the annual Burning Man festival (or event, or community) is held, in the Black Rock Desert.
The funny part about this sudden desire is that it came on this morning for no apparent reason. Nobody mentioned Burning Man, nothing was in the news, no one had even said Nevada in my presence in about eight months or so. Suddenly I want to abandon everything and head to the desert, only to find out that Burning Man is set to take place in 19 days (actually 19 days, 3 hours, and 17 minutes according to the Burning Man Countdown.
According to the way I view the world, this is a sign. A big obvious billboard of a sign. The only problem is, if I leave now I leave behind my daily life. Sounds fun, but my life isn't so bad. Sure it's complicated and occasionally stressful, sometimes dull, but it's mine and it's headed somewhere. I have goals and dreams and plans to accomplish both.
But what if I go? What if I leave tomorrow? What would my life be like if I dropped everything without a word and smashed my daily routine to pieces all because of a gut feeling? Would I regret it later? Or would it be the one moment that defined the course of my life more than any other? And if it is that moment, would my life change for the better or the worse?
I think life is only fun when you look at every day as a serious crossroads. Today seems to be fitting the bill just fine. As of now I'm pretty sure I know which way I'll choose to go. But since I could change my mind any minute now, I don't think I'll write here what my decision is.
Have a nice night either way, and I'll see you all tomorrow.
Maybe.
~Attilla

O Canada

Concrete proof that Canada is one of the coolest damn countries on the planet. ~Attila

Sith With Swedes

More soon...

82% of Canadians are Dorks

Or at least they support keeping the Queen as our head of state, according to a poll on the Globe and Mail's website.
Seriously, what the hell is the point of having a decrepit old European as our head of state? Are we so immature as a nation that we really need Grandma holding our hand every step of the way? I realize that the biggest argument for her is "It's tradition." but come on! Just because somthing is tradition doesn't make it worth keeping. Lots of shitty, shitty things have overstayed their welcome simply because they're tradition.
Here's a phrase for everyone that I think has a wonderful ring to it. The Republic of Canada. Doesn't that flow nicely?
Just imagine it if you can. Canada with it's own elected head of state. Nothing extravagant like in the US, but maybe a figurehead President. Real power would still rest with the prime minister and parliament, but our head of state would be an elected Canadian. Wouldn't that make everyone just a little bit prouder than having a former CBC television personality flying around representing an outdated and foolish British family?
82%! Eighty-two percent! Christ! What's wrong with this country? Let me put it this way people: How does having a British monarch on top encourage unity between French and English Canadians? Does anyone really thing that having a representative of the institution that conquered Quebec remain our head of state 138 years after Confederation makes Quebecers proud to be part of Canada?
Which leads me to wonder, how did the Queen escape our government policy of appeasing Quebec? Everything else that gets done in Canada is done to shut Quebec the hell up, so how come la Belle Province hasn't demanded that Lizzy get the boot yet?
Oh right, because they don't care enought about her to even bother whining about it! So I guess English and French Canadians do have one thing in common: None of us give a shite about the Queen. Not even the 82% of Globe readers that are dorks. I'm willing to bet that the only reason they support keeping her is that they don't support caring enough to waste any time getting rid of her.
I'd just like the Queen to know that there's at least one Canadian out there that cares deeply about her. And even more deeply about turfing her. God save the Queen alright.
FROM MY WRATH!
~Attila

What Now? Oh yeah, pot and gay marriage...

Consequences of Stephen Harper's actions:

1. Belinda Stronach is now a Liberal cabinet minister adored by almost every left leaning Canadian.
2. Paul Martin has, against all odds, regained some confidence and even charisma. Some.
3. Conservative party looks even more right wing and alien than ever before, with the added bonus that it is now seen as an ally of separatists.
4. We've pretty much forgotten about the sponsorship scandal, at least for now.
5. Peter Mackay looks like a kicked puppy. He'll be taken seriously again sometime around never.
6. Stephen Harper now looks childish, impatient, arrogant, and most importantly weak.
7. Odds that Conservatives will form a government any time soon? Down more than enough to make me happy.
Thanks Steve. Keep up the good work.
~Attila

Dark Side Not Sexy Afterall, Survey Says

Everyone who's ever been a Star Wars fan (a real one, no fakers who have only seen one or two) has had that thought that maybe, just maybe, the Dark Side is kind of sexy and cool. Darth Vader, oh so cool. Death Star that destroys entire planets? Also, kind of cool. Evil Emperor who offs people with blasts of purple lightning?
Doesn't get much cooler than that.
Man, oh man, how George Lucas has disavowed us all of that notion. For five feature films he let us sit back and wonder just which side we would choose if we ever had to. We all thought that there were good points to either side, and Lucas let us go on thinking that. Until last night.
Update for those who for some reason haven't seen Revenge of the Sith yet: Dark Side = Bad. Real bad. Oh so very, very bad. Nothing good will ever happen ever again bad. Ever.
At least not until A New Hope.
Ep. 3's main achievement as far as I'm concerned was to take Darth Vader from a cold, purely evil monster, and turn him into a hugely tragic figure. Of course this was known to some extent before, but never in such gut wrenching detail. I'll personally never be able to look at the original three in the same way again, which I guess was the whole point.
~Attila

Oh yes...

I love you, Belinda Stronach.
xoxo
~Attila

Movies in the Makin'

Tonight we came up with a brilliant idea. Beanypod bought herself a digital camera today that takes 30 second videos, so we're going to invest in numerous re-chargeable batteries and shoot our own short film. Now all we have to do is find something interesting to film.
Any minute now.
Mild controversy today when after being up for only four hours I sat down for lunch and ordered Japanese beer in front of my parents. Good times did not ensue as they were fully blocked by the passive aggressive wrath of Mom.
This could have lead to problems but I headed off the wrath by buying a belated mothers day gift. Dinner ended up ruined anyway, not by parental hostility but by spicy chicken. One mad dash later and dinner was gone but not forgotten. I'm sorry, but that's the way it happened.
Today's not a complete write off though. Bean and I got our hands on three tickets to the midnight showing of Episode III Wednesday night! So so excited.
Leaving off, it appears we're back to movie making. Jesus and Bean just made a short short film about spousal abuse. Surprisingly light and funny actually, I give it four stars.
****
~Attila

Viva la Revolución (aka Political Optimism)

Let's make a quick list shall we?

Georgia
Ukraine
Kyrgyzstan
Lebanon
Possibly Uzbekistan
And to a lesser extent, Ecuador.

And I've probably missed a few. In less than two years all of these countries have had, or are in the process of having, popular revolts against corrupt governments. I'm not sure what's gotten into people in these countries but let's have some more of it shall we?
Predictably, America claims to be influencing these changes through their oh so successful policy of spreading freedom and liberty around the world. (um, see Iraq.) Except in Uzbekistan where they the US gives ten million dollars a year to support a government that is renowned for it's widespread use of torture tactics. Including against terrorist suspects detained by the US, hence the generous monetary gifts.
Anti-government protests are even spreading through China, although you would never know it reading North American newspapers. Our local media outlets are more than happy to report on the anti-Japanese protests that are partially sponsored by the Chinese government, but for some reason are strangely silent about the growing dissent among the Chinese poor. I don't suppose it has anything to do with our ever increasing trade with China? Certainly not, that would be bias in favour of commercial interests, and that's something that would never happen in a fair and balanced media environment. Or so I'm told, I live in Canada so I can't really say for certain.
Take all these popular revolts around the world, add in the swing to the left that's gripping South America, and finally Dubya's inability to get co-operation out of a house and senate dominated by his own party, and I'm starting to feel down right optimistic about the state of world affairs. Further fuelling my optimism is my recent discovery that America does still have some news organizations that are willing to question much of what the US is up to. I highly recommend you check out the perspective given at The Nation.
On a personal note, I'd like to welcome myself back to Thought Processor after a hiatus that became much longer than expected. With any luck I'll be disseminating liberal propaganda on a regular basis from now on. I hope you enjoy and visit often. Don't forget, comments are always welcome.
~Attila

As I Grow Older, I Grow Wiser

Too bad what I'm learning is that 90% of life is tedium.
Man, I would almost trade jobs with a child labourer right now. At least I'd be working in a warmer climate. And the occasional whippings could be kinky.
I've never appreciated a Friday night as much as I do right now.
God help me, I am Dilbert. But sexier, and with a better name.
I guess I can live with that.
~Attila

Happy Hiatus!

Or happy end of a happy hiatus, whichever you prefer.
Nothing really earth shattering happened to inspire this blog, I just figured that if I left blogging any longer I'd lose the last of my faithful readers. And when you only start with one or two, you really can't afford to lose that many.
Lots of change in the new year so far. Changed some of my personal habits, which shall remain nameless, but have resulted in my losing a pound or two, so hooray for my belt. Lots of change at work, the most un-fun of which is my co-worker and best hick homey Crys has moved away. This would bring lots more sadness if she had moved any great distance. Fortunately she's only in Liverpool, which is an entertaining and bewildering destination at the best of times.
On the home front things are well. Bri and I haven't seen much of each other, but when we have it's been high quality fun as always. We watched a documentary on Amish people today, which sounds less than fun until I bring up the Amish drug dealers that got busted in the film. Yes, Amish drug dealers. Crystal Meth dealers in fact.
Apparently it happens. Who knew?
Big J and the Hell Hounds are excellent, as always. Well, mainly Big J is excellent, the hounds are cute but misbehaved as usual. Since I'm the only one with the heart, or lack thereof, to discipline them, I've earned myself the nickname of Corporal Punishment. Which would almost sound sexy, if it weren't in relation to pet puppies.
Big plans with the Big J this week include going to see Steve Zissou, and a miraculous second Friday night out in a row! This never happens, so I can only assume it will be fun. I really have no prior evidence to base this on, but can't imagine any night out being a bust. Last Friday brought a high degree of hilarity, cheesy dance music, and only a small hangover.
So here's to a successful reenactment, especially of the last part.
~Attila

New Curse

So last night, I mysteriously yelled 'Christ it!'
I think it was my response to writing a new blog.
More tomorrow.
~Attila

Smith, Wesson, and Fruit of the Loom

Once again, Walmart has provided me with one of the most unusual and unsettling experiences I’ve had in some time.
I hate to support Walmart but it was necessary to do some big box store shopping in order to finish up my Xmas capitalism blowout. After twenty minutes of pushing, shoving, and regretting my recent renouncing of cigarettes, I finally arrived at the cash register. No feeling of relief here, as the woman in line in front of me is holding a gun.
Now don’t panic, this woman was no robber. She had mom-perm like mad, and no self respecting armed robber would be caught dead with such a terrible ‘do. No this woman simply walked into the store, picked out the biggest, shiniest gun she could find, and bought it. For $59.95. Taxes in.
I’ve heard rumours of this sort of thing happening, mainly in gun happy USA. But here in Canada you can apparently arm yourself for less than the price of a more respectable perm than the one modeled by Shooty McHousewife. To make things even weirder the cashier took this all in stride and made jokes about being married to a hunter.
‘Har har har. My fat husband likes to shoot defenseless animals. He doesn’t even like deer meat, he just thinks they look better mounted on a wall. Har har har. By the way, I love your perm. Har har.’
And people wonder why I look shell shocked when I come home from the mall. I found out recently that the original inventor of the shopping centre was so depressed by what he had created, he moved to Europe to escape it. Turns out he hated cars and intended malls to be a social gathering place for pedestrians. Undoubtedly he’s buried under a parking lot somewhere. Stupid poetic injustice.
Xmas shopping did help me learn a valuable life lesson today. I cannot, under any circumstances, shop for underwear for myself when the men’s underwear department is filled with middle aged women buying tighty-whities for their sons and husbands. Sure I would look oh so fashionable in comparison as I picked out my somewhat stylish striped boxer-briefs, but I just couldn’t do it. Something about hordes of middle aged biddies knowing exactly what I’ve got on under my jeans makes me feel terribly vulnerable.
In retrospect, I should have camped out in the bra section. How fun would it be to snicker and point as they pick out their 68 double F’s? Turn about is fair play after all, but I probably would have been asked to leave after I’d laughed myself to tears.
~Attila

What's in Santa's sack? Testicular cancer.

Oh it’s hard to be a Jew at Christmas… But I bet it’s harder to be a recovering Christian at Christmas. As a former Christian now happily in remission I have no idea how to deal with the holidays. I couldn’t care less about the religious significance, and I’m disgusted by the blatant commercialism. Not that I won’t indulge, but that’s expected. It’s hard to sit around on Dec. 25th explaining why you didn’t buy anything for all the people who thought long and hard and still bought you a $10 gift certificate to Cotton Ginny.
Every time I see the hordes of acid wash jean wearing, donut eating, chain smoking, child dragging embodiments of all human misery running through the malls with rapidly melting credit cards I just want to scream. Why all the panic to find the perfect gift? Nobody is going to remember anyway. Anyone out there remember what you got last year from your parents or siblings or various far flung relatives? Of course not. What did you get them? Didn’t think so.
Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year. It’s the one time of the year when people can feel good about verbally assaulting anyone who refuses to conform. Don’t like Christmas? Well then you’re a Scrooge. You’re a terrible human being who believes only in misery and hate. How dare you be allowed to live during the month of December? Cold hearted bastard. You’re as bad as that atheist vegetarian from work. She absolutely ruined my turkey dinner last year!
Not a Christian? Well that’s okay. We’re PC now. We respect your diverse beliefs and customs. But you’re still coming to my kid’s Christmas concert right? And you got my Christmas card in the mail didn’t you? Don’t forget you’re working Christmas this year too. I didn’t think you’d mind since you’re not Christian and all. I’ll be busy with all my Christmas dinners and parties, so thanks again for covering for me. Have fun!
And who decided that Christmas is a month long deal? (ordeal?) Some places drag out the decorations as soon as Halloween is over. Speaking of Halloween, that’s a holiday I can understand. Don’t like Halloween? Peachy. Turn off your lights, lock the door, and go out for dinner somewhere. If you’re lucky you won’t see a single trick or treater. And in case you make that fatal mistake of admitting in public that you don’t like October 31st? Big fucking deal. In fact, lots of people will agree with you. No ridicule or public condemnation, guaranteed!
So this is my plan for Christmas this year. I’ve devised a single, scripted response to deal with any Christmas related interaction. It goes like this:
Fuck off.
The real beauty is this works almost anywhere. Someone wishes you Merry Christmas? “Fuck off!” Carollers fa-la-la-la-laing at your door? “Fuck off!” Hot guy pulls you under the mistletoe for a little Christmas cheer?
Well, I guess that’s the exception to the rule. Merry Christmas!
(Fuck off!)
~Attila